Cracked strikes again:
The wedding day kicked off with the bridal party discovering that the woman responsible for laying out the Princess’ wedding dress had “hanged herself instead of the bridal gown.” A superstitious Maria insisted on being married in a different gown (and honestly, most of us probably would too).
Then, as the bridal party made their way from the palace to the church, the colonel leading the procession fell of his horse and died of sunstroke. After they found a replacement for him, the party was stopped again at the palace gates, which for some reason refused to open. The gatekeeper was sent for, which is when they found him laying dead in a pool of blood.
Immediately after the wedding, the best man toasted the couple by shooting himself in the head. The party promptly hauled ass to a nearby rail station, we’re guessing to take the first train out of town, but this hit a wall as well once the man who drafted the marriage contract fell into “an apoplectic fit”, which is old timey speak for massive internal bleeding, usually in the brain, that almost immediately results in death. It’s amazing that they even had a phrase for that. Anyways, after that, a stationmaster got pulled beneath the bridal carriage, bringing the body count for the day to five.
It got worse. Puts Bridezillas in perspective, doesn’t it?